Max, who is four years old, is my only son. He is also my baby and I let him know that all the time. In my nightmare, he is an infant again. I am at the hospital with him. He is suffering from some sort of incurable infliction. The doctors have given him medicine to stop the pain and I am holding him trying so hard to maintain my gaze. I believe that if I don't look away he can't slip away into death. I have tears rolling down my face as I softly talk to him. I am pleading for God to save him. But the doctors tell me death is inevitable. I am pained beyond belief. I don't want to let him go. I can't accept he has to die.
And I wake up scared and shaken. I try to piece reality to together. I pray that it was just a bad dream. And then I hear him talking with my husband in the kitchen. He is sharing some wonderful thoughts he had and what type of cereal he'd like to eat. Thank you God.
I believe I know why I had this nightmare. I've been thinking a lot about Kevin the past week. Kevin is a 15 year old boy who died last month. He was the younger brother of teenage daughter's friend. The death was a bizarre accident at home. Purely an accident, but such a total tragedy. I attended the funeral with my daughter and listened to his friends, family and finally his mother speak. I didn't know Kevin or his parents, but when his mom spoke I felt like I was there with them when they found Kevin's body. I felt the pain of this being the last time she tucks in him at night. I teared up and tried hard to escape the grief but it consumed me.
Now, after my nightmare, I understand how difficult it would be to pick up and go on after losing your baby. I hope to never have to experience it, but if God decides to take one of my children home to Heaven before me then I hope to face that grief with as much grace as Kevin's mom.
No comments:
Post a Comment